What do you most regret so far?

This question is part of my journey for self-exploration and after some deep thought about my life that full of regrettable moments, I finally have the answer. It was really a difficult task to do, picking only one most regret from this 30 years of life. It took more than 72 hours to find one. What interesting is, on my way to find it, I have my memory recalled and I saw beautiful moments, friends, and family also how silly I am, simply everything, yea everything. I just remembered them and sometimes made my emotion not stable. I can suddenly cry, smile and laugh, or made my jaw fell to the floor till someone fixed me. It's not a surprise that my flatmate worried about me and thought that I went crazy due to some stress.

Enough unnecessary introduction. Let's directly go to the answer. It is "me, spending time for MMORPG". What is MMORPG? Well it is an online game, something super fun for me, addicting, and cost my real life time sooo much and in the end, most of the cases, it was for nothing. I got only dopamine rations for the moments. I can imagine, if I didn't spend on it, maybe I'm rich as fuck, make the money rain, I'm strong and fit, being a scholar, have lots donating acts, girls worship me and so on and so on. Why I'm dreaming like that? Because I spend money and my time playing around in this virtual world. I tossed aside everything important for my future, such as study, friends, family, and my precious time to self-improvement. I did it for years, like maybe 8 years. What a mess.

I'm not telling that playing video games is bad. It has its own advantages. I wouldn't smart and diligent like this without video games. In a way, it can widen your horizon and give you some friends. Even I earned about equal to 4000€ just because of video games. I will discuss gaming later perhaps. I only want to tell that gaming isn't neither good nor bad. Just keep some balance in your life, and you will not regret it as much as I am today. Well, actually I'm still amazed at my self during that era. I somehow manage to study, did my band pieces of stuff, active at the campus, did mountaineering, diving, cycling, learn Indonesian traditional dances and music instrument, while spending minimal 5 hours gaming per day. I remembered, there was a week full of activities. In this week I slept average 2 hours a day. So unhealthy life I had that time. No wonder, I was a totally raw-boned man with super messy hair. Looks like a junkie compared to me right now.

In conclusion, not making a good use of my time is my most regret. I'm still doing it though, I believe, we all do. This is just a small reminder for all of us so we wouldn't regret it anymore since we already know that time is the only thing in this world that can't be replaced. Like I mentioned before, I have many regrets: such as letting the girl I loved the most gone, lie to my parents, did crazy kinds of stuff, risking of my own life, etc. All of them were regrettable, and for example, I'll talk a little about the relationship for comparison, while it is also took up the time. I spent my life with a girl for years, we had a nice house, did everything at best in the name of love and in the end we ended our special relationship, we left our home, selling some stuff. It cost time and money too. But compared to playing MMORPG, I gained more positive impact on this challenging relationship than playing MMORPG.

“We have so many regrets because we have to make so many big decisions in our lives before we can have anything like adequate knowledge.”